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  • strizhanna2003

Obsession with external affection.

Me and my best friend were deep in conversation on how women are most likely to seek and want more affection from their partner or friends. Me and her love becoming little psychologists. We analyze each other constantly without fear of judgment, I truly recommend to do it with your close friends. Anyway, we were talking about affection in terms of attention, reassurance and validation. Most of my women friends have felt the same way at some point. Once a person we love steps into our life our world starts to revolve around them, however this doesn’t happen straight away. This feeling starts to build up, jumping up and down. If you want a short answer to getting rid of your obsession, then please get find yourself and follow your own path. But, I feel the need to get into it a little more..


Mentally I feel as though a lot of people emotionally invest into people and then expect the same emotional investment in return. Why is that? Have you experienced this? Well humans mostly live in their heads.

Through our thoughts and imaginations we live through hundreds of scenarios every single day.

Sometimes it gets hard to pick apart what the truth is, what reality is real and what false assumptions we made up. Keep in mind that the brain can’t tell what scenario or thought you’re thinking of is real or not, so we actually end up feeling each emotion with the all the same realness. This is why people with anxiety start to manifest their thoughts physically, their heart starts racing, they get lightheaded and their palms start to sweat. The same thing happens when we get into a relationship with someone we start to love. You suddenly realize that you’re not quite alone anymore, there’s a person who wants to understand and get to know you. Someone actually cares about your wellbeing other than yourself. This is new, so unexpected that it can take you years to get used to it and for the trust to build.


You might have expectations on what a person close to you should do, how they should act and what values they should withhold. This is normal. We have all been conditioned differently in our childhoods, we all have different role models and therefore we create our own expectations of the world we live in. Slowly our made up expectations and assumptions get tested in real life. We get put into real challenges that help us grow and expand our world view. Realities change. That’s why our obsession with affection (attention, reassurance and validation) intensifies. We’re slowly starting to break off unnecessary assumptions, expectations and beliefs, making it a little more challenging to grow. On the bright side, this means you’re on the right path. You’re on the right path as soon as you become more self aware. As you get put into similar situations that you have made up in your head, your brain tries look for any validation and evidence for your made up beliefs. You’ll seek for certain actions from the person, maybe you’ll want them to text you constantly to reassure their love for you, or you won’t be satisfied with the way they’re opening up, maybe they’re not listening to your wants and needs, perhaps they don’t care enough about your passions and so on. You get the idea. Telling your brain to shut the fuck never helps.. unfortunately.


There is no shortcut through all the significant healing and growing steps that comes from the process of letting go of your expectations. But it’s also not as complicated as it seems. It’s actually very simple. As soon as you decide to prioritize your presence and consciousness over anything else, your reality shifts. Taking that first step in accepting that you can start observing rather than absorbing the actions of others. That affection that you crave (attention, reassurance and validation) is already here, it’s within you. You need to take that step back and provide yourself with all the affection you feel you need. Get to know yourself and the beliefs that have been hurting you all along. Being in a relationship does not mean stopping getting to know yourself. Some people would say it’s selfish to prioritize yourself over their loved ones and I do not agree. To what extent can you share and love if you’ve got no confidence in yourself? The confidence that comes from knowing yourself, staying present and fully self aware is unmatchable. It’s so divine that one should only find it out for themselves.


If you were more transparent about your healing journey, the journey you’re on to improving your overall wellbeing, your loved one will only smile and mirror your peace and excitement. They shall support and appreciate you much deeply. If the person you love doesnt take time to understand you and your healing, they might not be the one for you. Your heart will tell you all the answers you need. To listen to your heart you need to first quiet down your mind. This reminds me of how many people in this world go through healing and growth alone. It’s not a coincidence. Not only are there not many people out there who will cheer you on and support you passionately,  but the power lies in you. You always end up getting through every challenge whether you can feel it in the moment or not.

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